Staring Out The Window

On Good Morning America they aired a segment on a woman who could literally remember every single moment of her life; scientists were quite astonished by this and began researching her heavily. They would ask her what she had for breakfast on some random date like 20 years ago and she could tell them every single detail about the day. I've been told I also have a very good memory when it comes to details and I feel this is both a blessing and a curse.

Yesterday I went to a local coffee shop with a friend to hang out and kill time for awhile. When he left for a few minutes to go to the bathroom I stared out the window onto a sign that is in the shape of a scottish terrier. The sign is currently for a dog grooming business but the store used to be a record store called Bow Wow Records. All of these thoughts began to enter into my mind and I started to remember when I helped my father move out to Albuquerque back in November of 1999. I recall asking him if he could take me to this aforementioned record store and he agreed. Just a few blocks away he went to the Wells Fargo to open up his local bank account. I can't even begin to tell you the thoughts that rushed through my mind as I felt I was having a lucid dream inside a nightmare. I simply cannot bring myself to acknowledge and accept that he is gone.

My brother and his new girlfriend are in Albuquerque as I write this post. I stopped by the house to witness them going through all of my father's belongings/possessions and making piles for giveaway, selling and keepsakes. I have to wonder is this all that we really leave behind? A simple pile of useless items that most people could care less about and the memory of a life once lived now over.

I'm not really sure what will make me feel better about everything that is happening right now. I continue to put my hopes into other people to try to make me happy with the life that I'm living. Perhaps if you have a girl next to you during the long darkened nights it begins to distract you away from replaying events over and over again in your mind. I yearn for connections, I yearn for experiences, for moments, for living in the now and being truly happy for once in my life. My time will soon come.