Charms of Shadowy Women

I've enjoyed the song "Japanese Gum" by Her Space Holiday for quite some time, but I had never really taken the opportunity to examine the lyrics in detail until recently. Upon doing so it became clear just how relevant the scenario described throughout the song is to my experiences with certain women.

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat

Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself

As I look back upon the women who have affected me the most, I've determined that the ones that I am most attracted to are those that are the most unstable and unbalanced. There is something about this type of psychological profile which also makes them deeply passionate, full of spontaneity and really exciting. Unfortunately, there is a price to pay for these attributes as many times their behavior is often erratic, contradicting and generally unhealthy to be around. What is even more difficult is determining whether the attraction is based more upon their personality and character or the desire to want what you simply cannot have. I struggle with these issues quite a bit as it seems I find a lot of women that I can only relate to on a surface level, nothing more; my actions therefore are mostly indifferent towards them. Though there have been a couple of women throughout my life that have affected me a great deal, they all possess this 'instability factor'. I am left to wonder whether I will ever be attracted to a woman who has the intrigue, depth and passion I desire, while at the same time remaining psychologically healthy enough to have a healthy relationship.

Her Space Holiday - "Japanese Gum"