Restless Nights

I'm not sure exactly where to start but I guess I'll tell you what's been going on in my life lately. First and foremost my sleeping schedule has been extremely erratic as my circadian rhythm is quite off-kilter. A friend of mine told me he was diagnosed with Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome and after I did a bit of research on the condition, I'm quite sure I am also afflicted. The crux of it is that the mind has difficulty shutting itself off during normal sleeping hours such that one stays awake despite actually being physically tired. It is truly amazing how having issues with sleeping can affect someone on such a large scale.

I've been through a lot in the past year and that certainly doesn't help the mind calm itself down when it should be resting. Instead I tend to see a lot of flashbacks in my mind of these events and since the memories aren't very positive, this tends to make everything far worse. I think about my father and how much he suffered during the past year, I think about a girl who isn't in my life anymore and all of the intense pressures that are put upon me these days, heavy stuff indeed.

There is some relief thought especially when I put on music like Hammock, a band that seems to take me all of the places I've ever wanted to go. Listening to their music is like floating off into the ether and reliving all of your best memories; this is a truly mesmerizing experience that I wish would never end. Morning generally comes and I'm still awake with the thoughts of everything I must accomplish for the day, sometimes it gets done other times it doesn't.

I watched the film Abre los ojos the other night, which was really well done. The movie was the film by which Vanilla Sky was based on and I must admit that it got me thinking quite a bit about my own life. At the end the main character must make a decision to either continue living a lucid dream or wake up and to a brand new life in the future. This idea is quite centric to where my life is at the moment since I'm at the forefront of making the same types of determination. All in all I've got a lot of figuring out to do in regards to how I will continue to live. Writing tends to help me bring these thoughts into a tangible manner, so I'll continue to do so hoping things will eventually make sense.